Sunday, April 8, 2018

Achieving Enlightenment 3000

I may not be a Buddhist, but I have tried to achieve enlightenment. Also, for future references, Buddhism is pronounced this way, and to make it easier say these three words fast:
Boo - dizz - um

I don't think they are words. Let me look it up.

Dizz is a word confirmed. 

I used to pronounce Buddhism like:
I thought that was the way my social studies teacher said it was in 6th grade. I thought wrong.
Well, if it was "booty-ism," you would be a "butthist." 

Don't you just love puns.

How did we get off topic so quickly. 

Anyways a group my best scientists and historians have thought up of ways to achieve enlightenment. I guarantee you that they are painless and will not work. Also, they sound very enlightening. 

  1. Method 1: Stub your toe on something that is almost impossible to stub your toe on. For example, a pizza (You should eat it before you stub it. Wait a second, there's a problem with that. I just don't know what.) air, etc.
  2. Method 2: Go to google and look up "achieve 3000." 
You will get this:

Click the "ask questions" button, and type in, "How do I achieve enlightenment?"
An achieve employee will be with you shortly. That's what they do. Or it could be some random person who is not smart like me.

      3. Eat beans. Tons of them. It's good for you. After a while, with a big blast, you can probably release your inner Buddhist which apparently comes up in the color of green, yellow, or brown. If that doesn't work, it'll probably empty your thoughts and everything. And you can get your beans from Mexico if you were wondering. 

If the above doesn't work for you, congratulations! You now know that you are not an extraterrestrial, Buddha, or anything of the sort! This is really valuable information for life. If anyone asks what you are, you can answer with a ready answer, "not enlightened!" 

Saturday, April 7, 2018

A First Post But Not Last: Introduction and Warnings

         This is a place where you can sit back and relax (maybe) to look at all the stuff I have here. I have really  bad good advice for what to do in order achieve what, master what, etc. You will have to rely on your own judgment on what to do and what not. If you are that one person that decides to try to jump over the body of water rather than cross the bridge during a hike, this may or may not be the place for you. It depends on your philosophy. If you know you can't control the urge to do stupid things, like:
"Let's try to ride a bike on the roof!"
"Sure! Sounds like fun! What can happen that's worse than canned tuna meal day?"
Then follow these steps:

  1. Turn your head away.
  2. Ask for your parents to close down the website, block it, and spank you.
  3. Relax... No wait.
  4. Be prepared to eat a bottle of chip because your mom will most likely advise you to. 
  5. Now you can relax and sit on something, a chair, a couch, the toilet, a ball etc.
If you (think) you are prepared for the content, follow these steps:

  1. Realize that I trolled you and that there are no steps.
Have fun, it's not like you can't destroy your home by tuning in on this blog.