Sunday, April 8, 2018

Achieving Enlightenment 3000

I may not be a Buddhist, but I have tried to achieve enlightenment. Also, for future references, Buddhism is pronounced this way, and to make it easier say these three words fast:
Boo - dizz - um

...
I don't think they are words. Let me look it up.



















Dizz is a word confirmed. 

I used to pronounce Buddhism like:
"Booty-ism"
I thought that was the way my social studies teacher said it was in 6th grade. I thought wrong.
Well, if it was "booty-ism," you would be a "butthist." 

Don't you just love puns.

How did we get off topic so quickly. 

Anyways a group my best scientists and historians have thought up of ways to achieve enlightenment. I guarantee you that they are painless and will not work. Also, they sound very enlightening. 

  1. Method 1: Stub your toe on something that is almost impossible to stub your toe on. For example, a pizza (You should eat it before you stub it. Wait a second, there's a problem with that. I just don't know what.) air, etc.
  2. Method 2: Go to google and look up "achieve 3000." 
You will get this:





















Click the "ask questions" button, and type in, "How do I achieve enlightenment?"
An achieve employee will be with you shortly. That's what they do. Or it could be some random person who is not smart like me.

      3. Eat beans. Tons of them. It's good for you. After a while, with a big blast, you can probably release your inner Buddhist which apparently comes up in the color of green, yellow, or brown. If that doesn't work, it'll probably empty your thoughts and everything. And you can get your beans from Mexico if you were wondering. 

If the above doesn't work for you, congratulations! You now know that you are not an extraterrestrial, Buddha, or anything of the sort! This is really valuable information for life. If anyone asks what you are, you can answer with a ready answer, "not enlightened!" 



1 comment:

  1. I actually went to google's achieve3000 ask page and asked, "How do I achieve enlightenment?" Still waiting on a response, though.

    ReplyDelete